Great! Just Great! :(

    You would think life would start getting better after Rhett's transplant. Oh it is, but for him, not me. I have been trying to get on Disability do to how I know I couldn't handle working with how easily I get stressed, anxious and jittery. I was denied, WOW what a surprize, NOT! Thats the government for ya, they will deny you for any little mistake. I'm working with a law firm that helps people get on disability and they asked if I had another Dr. who could fill out a certain for me because the 1st one didn't show me needing help. This time I thought "Oh I'll go see my Mental Health Counselor that I use to see a long time ago" Well I'm glad I did. He filled out the form BEAUTIFULLY! And while talking to him about my problems I found out some interesting "not so good" things about me. Besides Bipolar, Anxiety, and Depression ( which are all separate disorders ) I also have ADHD ( not the hyper kind, but have problems focusing on anything for too long) and I keep forgetting the name of it but I have developed the disorder where your afraid to go out of the house. I'm not quite   at that point yet, but close. Looking back I notice all the signs that I was heading this way. Couldn't get myself to go to some of the big family gatherings, The chaos of Deneece's 6 new adopted kids while camping ( instead of eating dinner with everyone I sat in our van and cried. I cant get myself to church most Sundays, and if the grocery store is crowded  I get very nervous want out of there. I send Rhett to the store more often so I dont have to go. Also while seeing the counselor I had a panic attack. Take That Social Security!! I call that information proving that I cant handle working. I also had another one seeing my other Dr. this week. She had me take this True or False test that I took about 4 months ago and it showed that my depression and anxiety have shot up way high since last time, meaning my medication is doing nadda for me. We are in the process of weaning me off of Paxil and onto another. She also is doing a blood test checking for Vitamin B12 deficentsy. Most Bipolar people have this problem and need to "inject" (cringe) themselves once a week with meds.

    Thats not all folks! I have Sleep Apnea!  I need to get on this disability so I can get Medicaid so I can do the full test to prove how bad I am, and pay for the machine that I will have to sleep with. The short little test that I have done shows that my oxygen goes down to 80%. Anything under 90% is bad. And I also(according to Rhett)  sound like I'm having trouble breathing at night. My dad has sleep apnea and his test showed that he quits breathing about 29 times in the night. Why Mmmmeeeeeeee!

                                                   Grant Earl & Fayette Earl
                                                         

   To top all this off my mom just had eye surgery, its more like plastic surgery because the pulled her under eye skin up and into an incision they made by the corner of her eye. The Dr. told her that she is to young to have had this problem. The skin under that eye lost its elasticity and is ( well now its a was ) sagging and her eyelashes were turning inward and scratching her retina. That only happens to women, men only sag.  Also my Grandpa is VERY depressed and is wanting to die and if he dosent get moving around and eatting more he will. He misses my Grandma SO bad. This is his 1st Christmas without her since the war. The song I'll Be Home for Christmas has a whole different meaning to him this year. In a way I wish he could have his wish and be with his wife in heaven. Imagen 67yrs with someone always by your side then they are gone. And my Grandpa is getting quite old. He will be 91 in January. 

   So thats my depressing tale. I know how depressing something like this is to read, but it's like a therapy for me and its good to get it out. I don't know what I would do without my mom to talk to. She understands what I'm going threw better than anybody. I love her so much that I'm crossing all my fingers, toes, and even nose hairs if I have too, that when I have my next (probably last) child, I hope its a girl cuz I want to name her after my mom. My mom REALLY deserves that honor. Right now my heart is leaning toward Carol-Ann Rose Hayes. Ha ha ha I have the name even before I'm pregnant or know the sex of the baby. Oh and by the way, DONT TELL HER!! Just in case I have a boy, or the name doesn't seem to fit. But for now I'm working on getting myself healthy so that I can bring a healthy baby into the world, with a mother who wont fall apart at every little thing.

I guess I better go and make some Christmas hair bows before Christmas get here, and I'm also making a few fun ones for one of my nieces who's name Nathan has for Christmas. Post pics of them later.